No More Hiding

Not me...but my new haircut

So I chopped my hair again.  Imagine my face on this hair cut and that's pretty much what you got.  I'm not great at posting pictures of myself alone so you'll just have to use your imaginations.  I believe in you.

My immaculate hairdresser, Dianne Smith, does superb work.  I literally visit her twice a month because I keep changing my mind about what I want to do with my hair.  I take her tons of pictures and somehow she comes up with exactly what I want.  I love that!!! I love having someone I trust.  I never understood the hairdresser relationship until I found someone who I never want to lose.

A couple of months ago I decided that it was time for a change.  I had already gotten another tattoo and facial piercings are out of the question because Hot Papa is a little too conservative for that.  Hey, I married him and I knew that, so I'm down.  I digress, I decided that perhaps the change I needed had to do with my head.  Double entendre anyone?  Those of you who read this know that I've been on a journey this year.  A journey into motherhood, a journey into selflessness and out of selfishness, and a journey into becoming who I believe I was created to be.  I am learning to hide no more. 

Stay with me, my hair totally applies.

I've always clung to my hair.  It's usually long and, honestly, I've got good hair.  It is pretty and full and vibrant.  And I have come to realize it is a crutch for me.  You see, I struggle with my own self-image, like you couldn't figure that out on your own.  When I didn't feel thin enough or feminine enough I always had my hair and for some reason that made me feel better.  If I wasn't rail thin or sexy at least I had pretty hair...that's something, right?  Somehow my long hair covered the fact that I have absolutely no boobs and don't always feel like a girl...too much information?  

I stared with a drastic chop.  My 10 inch ponytail was unceremoniously lopped off and the moment I felt the release it was like a load was taken off.  Added bonus:  My new hair was super cute.  I stayed with it for a couple of months and then, last week, figured, "My hair hasn't been this short in like 20 years.  Why not just go for the big chop and see what happens."  So I did.

I love the freedom of my new do but I still don't quite know who I'm looking at in the mirror.  I've never used anything other than good ole shampoo and conditioner so this whole product thing confuses the crap out of me.  There's pomade, there's wax, there's gel, there's gunk and each type has a whole subset of varieties.  It overwhelms me so for now I'm rocking the puffy all natural look.

I'm glad I did this.  I'm glad that I now know I can survive without my hair and that who I am isn't and shouldn't be wrapped up in the fuzz that resides on my head.  I know this isn't changing the world but I think this little experiment is changing me.