Moment #7: Golden Boy

Maddox gave me another moment yesterday.

We were in the garden picking weeds...I was picking weeds and he was trying his hardest to do the same when I grabbed my phone in the hopes of capturing a moment.

The Loin Fruit does not stay still for very long and the minute you pull out any sort of image capturing device he instantaneously takes it as his cue to move.

But yesterday he gave me a few minutes.

And wasn't too happy about it from the look on his face.

As you know, my garden gives me immense pleasure.

But this sprout gives me even more.

So here's to sunny cool Florida days with the Loin Fruit in my most favorite of places.

Happy Gardening.  

My brain hurts...

I decided to try and encapsulate a few moments of my thought life.  Perhaps I have too much unused time on my hands.  Or, perhaps, I am trying to articulate my fog. 

In mere moments I went from trying to decide if one of my tomato plants is dying to revising a short story I wrote several years ago to contemplating deleting all of my social media accounts to living on a farm and being a farmer to wishing the weather would stay cool to wondering how I am going to stake my green bean plants to deciding, for the umpteenth time, that I am NOT going to take a nap today.

This took up about 2 minutes of my day today.  The thing is that this viscous 2 minute cycle occurs 30 times in any given hour.  I am reeling in my head most of my waking moments.

My brain is tired.

I sat down and tried to draw how I feel most of the time.  I am a terrible artist.  The above picture is not of my doing but it is the closest thing I could find to what came out of my hands and onto the page:

A big fat cloud of crazy swirling around outside of me.

I have so many ideas.  I have so many thoughts.  I long for simplicity and a unification of my thoughts and ideas.  I have to believe they all meet somewhere out there and that, hopefully, that meeting is where I find myself.  Not yet, however.

Moment #6: My New Obession

It is official...I am obsessed with the Trail Runner Nation podcast.  

I am new to the whole podcast phenomenon and have grown increasingly weary of my music as I run.

Looking for something new to help keep me motivated on my runs a couple of weeks ago I found TrailRunner Nation.  

Holy Crap.

I am in no way as hardcore as the people these folks talk with. 

 I want to be...However

 I enjoy an intact femur and have no desire to run anywhere near 50 miles let alone 100.  I don't want to run through a stress fracture in the middle of the woods in search of the closest aid station. 

But I admire the dedication it takes to accomplish something like this.  

And I figure if these folks can run a 3 mile look 99 times I can run a measly 8 miles even if I don't mentally feel like it.

I have trouble allocating my time effectively as it is.  I cannot imagine training for something requires such an allotment.  I like the idea of it though.  I like the structure.  I like the focus.  I like the sacrifice it requires to do so.  That does appeal to me.  The mental strength it takes to do something like this is a skill I need to develop.  

I enjoy setting a physical goal and then accomplishing it; this breaks down after a certain point because I do not know how to effectively cross-train and feed myself to continue the training.  That is part of the reason I love this podcast so much.  Yes they interview ultra-runners but the also talk with folks about safe training methodology, nutrition, mental focus, and the science of running.  

I'm a sucker for science.

So, if you are tired of your music and want some motivation check out 

http://trailrunnernation.com/podcasts/ 

You won't be sorry.

Moment #5

Moment #5: Stiches

March 7th, a day that will forever more live in infamy.  Yep...the Loin Fruit had his first trip to the ER this past Thursday.  In all honesty I am surprised it took that long.  The Loin Fruit is a madman.  Madman I tell you.  He is not, however, destructive.  For his size and speed and the voraciousness with which he attacks all things he is very gentle.  The Fruit has never seen a piece of trash that did not need to be lovingly carried home to its eternal resting place in the trash can.  He caresses our dog with loving finesse.  

But he runs with abandon.

Loves with his entire being.

And does nothing halfway.

Which is why we ended up in the emergency room.

I make stitches look good!

He handled the whole thing like a champ.  In fact, you wouldn't have known he was hurt if you weren't  looking at him.  While waiting for the doctor, he played and laughed and decided that the bed pans (sterile and never used) hiding in plain site in our room were meant to be played with (because who doesn't think kidney bean shaped objects aren't fun?).  He pushed buttons on the bed and opened and closed the door and laughed.  We read books and snuggled and played with sunglasses and drank water and ate animal crackers.  It was almost like we were home.  Except we weren't.

I will spare you all the details of the procedure itself.  Standard stuff I expect.  I can tell you that I have never hurt like that though.  I held his head and said his name just so he would know he wasn't alone.  I  felt my eyes burn with tears but didn't cry because I did not want to scare him.  But it hurt.  

Love hurts.  

The love I feel for the Fruit is so complex that it simultaneously fills me with a joy unlike anything I have ever experienced and a pain that is tangible.  

I would have gladly taken his fear and pain in that moment.  But I could not.  What I could do was let him know he was not alone.  So I did.

...still taking pictures?

The Loin Fruit is doing just fine.  I am quite certain he forgot about the whole thing by the time we were in the parking lot.  

Moment #4

Moment #4:  Stories

There can be no doubt that I was created to be a part of stories.  Stories that people see and experience. Yes, I know we all have stories of our own to tell and experience.  I know I do.  But I know that part of my personal story includes sharing the stories of others whom I have never actually known.

I have done a lot of theatre.  I will spare you the resume.  I hate listing the things I have been a part of.  It isn't that I am not proud of my work.  I am.  I just don't think people really want to know all that.  January, February and a smidgen of March of this year included roles in "The Laramie Project:  Ten Years Later."

A Visual for You

This show is like nothing I have never done before.  All the "characters" are not really characters at all but real people speaking their own words.  Nothing embellished.  Nothing fictional.  Just the truth from their perspectives and honest responses to probing questions.

It was magical.

And terrifying.

I have portrayed actual people on stage before, fictionalized accounts of historical figures.   There is nothing fictional about this show.  It is achingly painful misted with hope and a dash of despair.   Pain because of what was done to Matthew.  Pain because of the thorns that entangled the truth of the matter over the years.  Pain that a person can do something so terrible to another.

And pain because I know I am not so different.

Hope because out of anguish comes growth and change.  Hope because there can be beauty from ashes.  Hope because there is still goodness in humanity.  

And hope because I can do my small part to be the change I long for.

I recognize that I am being vague in my descriptions.  I suppose that is because I do not have the ability to articulate my reactions to being a part of something like this.  

My script

denial

recognition

swept under the rug

change

ignore

stories

A couple of weeks after the closing of this show I can tell you that what I have taken away from this is my own ability to configure my past to a story of my liking.  That I am so capable of twisting the truth was shocking to me but in order to live in truth I have to admit my shortcomings.  I want my mistakes to be dismissed.  I want my failings to be beautiful.  I do not want to acknowledge my own brutality...but that does not mean they are not there nor does it mean they did not happen.  

So what to do with that?

I come to the same word that has plagued me this past year:  Honesty

Own it.  Admit it.  Change it.  Be honest.

There is so much more to say but this post has become increasingly discombobulated so I will spare you the rest of my ramblings.   

Matthew Shepard

Moment #3

Moment #3:  Arrival

Waiting...

This moment started a week or so ago.  I have been eagerly planning my Spring garden for months.  Months I tell you.  I started devouring gardening books in October and reading all I could on what to plant for the upcoming season.  And it is here!!!

Typically, I buy transplants and just put them directly into the ground or pots.  It feels safe planting something in my garden that has already begun.  Seeds are a different matter entirely.  There is no guarantee they will amount to anything and that scares me.  This year, I decided to try and sprout my own seeds and see what happened.  This has been a year of throwing off all that binds and moving forward in spite of the fear, not matter how big or small the fear may be.

Nature has a way of knowing exactly what it needs to survive.  My role in this is to use good soil and water attentively.  Seriously, people have been planting seeds for thousands of years.  I do not know why I was afraid of seeds.  I suppose it was the uncertainty of them.

Anyway.

I planted.  I waited.  And this happened:

Zucchini

And this...

More Zucchini

 And this...

Even more Zucchini, Kitchen Beans, and Cucumbers

I have a few more weeks of waiting before I transfer the seedlings into my garden.  I'm pretty excited about that.

Moment #2

Moment #2:  APPLES!!

Front Yard Picnics 

This moment involves apples.  Who doesn't love apples?  They are delicious.

The Loin Fruit loves him some apples.  Ironic, no?
I managed to capture the first time he decided to eat a whole apple.  Glorious.

Sometimes we have picnics in the front yard.  Why the front yard?  Because our backyard is boring.  Why picnics?  Because both of us love to be outside so when the opportunity and weather cooperate we go for it.

On this particular day, we were taking advantage of a cool wind and eating our lunch out front.  Maddox, naturally, ran around the yard and brought me a variety of interesting objects to add to our picnic:  sticks, acorns, leaves, rubber bands, etc.  As the pile of stuff continued to swell, my apple diminished.  I was killing this thing.  It was tasty.

At some point I set the apple down and the Loin Fruit swooped in to rescue it from the lawn.  He took it and began to eat it with all his heart.

Apples Rule!
 (and no he is not drinking coke zero)

...seriously, you are taking pictures of this

Apples make me happy.  They make him happy too.

Moment #1

Yes...he is sitting in a puddle of water in his diaper

I had a moment yesterday.  Not the one you see above.  This particular moment lasted a mere 20 seconds or so.  I was not timing it so I cannot be sure but I know it was less than a full minute.  

The moment I am referring to happened in a rocking chair.  I was sitting in it reading to Maddox who was, naturally, running from place to place picking up this and that doing all the things a precocious 17 month old does.  

But then time stopped.

He came to me and wrestled himself up beside me in the rocking chair.  He looked at the book I was holding.  He looked at me.  Then he quietly rested.  

And then the moment was over.

But that moment of quiet and rest with my son gave me perspective.  I adore him.  I love his tenacity and curiosity.  I love the constant motion of who he is but sometimes I need a little snuggle.  That isn't who he is though.  However, yesterday, he gave me that.  He gave me a few seconds of stillness and I am keeping that tucked away inside my heart and brain.

So here's to finding moments in the everyday monotony.  

To the Farm

Have you ever taken the time to think about where your food comes from?  Not where you purchase your victuals but where they are born, how they live, how they are grown and nurtured, how they die, how they are transported, how they are treated?  I suppose I have had some awareness on this topic for quite some time but recently it has been living in the forefront of my mind.  I often think about places where there are no options.  I know I do not live in one of those but how can my daily living impact the lives of others within my community and outside of it.  My own garden has taught me so much about caring for something else.  My own child has taught me more on the topic than any other singular thing.  You might be thinking, "but it is just food."  Indeed, it is just food.  The one thing that we all need to survive and so greatly impacts our health and environment.  So on the one hand it is "just food" but on the other it is so much more. 

I recently joined a CSA (community supported agriculture) organization here in Melbourne called Florida Fields to Forks.  It is a wondrous thing I tell you, wondrous.  I have become increasingly interested in producing my own food and since I live on a plot of land the size of a postage stamp I am painfully aware that I cannot do this all on my own.  Those of you who follow my blog know all about my garden and the joy it brings me.  Florida Fields to Forks is a natural extension of my homesteading love and I am so glad I found it.

I felt like Liz Lemon, "I want to go to there."  I want to go to there, the farm, and live forever.  I really do.  I often feel like a restless wanderer and have come to accept this fact but when I am at the farm I feel like I am home.

The owners are Jan Pence and Brock Hall, a delightful mother son team.  I do not know either of them well but I do hope that changes over the course of my interaction with them on my visits to the farm.  What is so great about a CSA is that it is financially supported from within by its members.  A one time fee of $35.00 grants you membership into the organization and from there you can order glorious organic grass fed meats, raw milk, cheeses, eggs, nuts, and crazy fun produce.  I wholeheartedly believe this is the best $35.00 I have spent in quite some time.  Produce orders need to be submitted ahead of time and are picked up on Thursday.  My first order was two weeks ago and I am hooked.  

My first Pick-up

The Loin Fruit and I made our way to the farm on Thursday and this array of vegetation was on display in all its glory.  Seriously people, I teared up.  I know that sounds super melodramatic but it is the God's honest truth.  They probably thought I was crazy.  Here is what we drove up to:

The Stables

We parked and walked up to the stables where you go to pick up your order.  First off, it is beautiful.  Like, "I live in the country and wear aprons while I churn my own butter in the sunny 60 degree weather," type beautiful.  My soul started singing immediately.  I felt connected to this place.  It was like all my inner yearnings became manifest in this one location.

After we picked up our order, the Fruit and I did some exploring.  Have I mentioned that on pick-up days it is "open farm."  You can wander around and see the animals.  I die.  

Checking out the view

Testing the Tractor

Field of Dreams

We had a great time exploring and I have deemed every Thursday "To the Farm" day.  I think I need these visits for the nurturing of my soul and I want the Fruit to know what open expanses of land look like.  I want him to know horses and cows and pigs and chickens.  I want him to be connected to the land.  I want that for myself too.  

If you have any questions about the Farm please ask me.  Visit the links I have set up to find out more about Florida Fields to Forks.  You won't regret it.

Happy Eating All.

I cried

I get to do life with this kid.  Call me lucky.  Call me blessed.  

Call me exhausted.

Chagrins with the Fruit 

But this kid gives me more pleasure than anything or anyone on this earth.  Sometimes I just have to be really stupid to remember that.

Case in point.

A few days ago my friend Dana asked if I could help her out with a photo shoot.  She's a supreme photographer and sometimes I get to tag along and hold her equipment.  I love it.  I need moments of creativity throughout the day to keep me sane.  Bonus for me is that Dana is cray cray in the best imaginable way.  I let her know I was available but that the Loin Fruit would be with me and asked if that would be a distraction, knowing full well it would be.  I didn't get her reply until I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of the gym.  Side note:  I typically go to the gym everyday at the same time.  Gives me some stress relief and allows the Fruit to have some play time at the kid zone.  Win win for both of us.  I usually leave my phone in his diaper bag so I won't get distracted or break it while I'm getting my sweat on.  I had just put the Fruit in his car seat and closed my own door and decided to check my phone before I pulled out.  Safety first!  That's when I got her text confirming my suspicions.

And then I got angry.  Angry at my son.  Angry because I couldn't go do something I wanted to do and the only reason why was because of him.  

The anger was fleeting and lasted mere moments but it was enough for me to feel terribly ashamed of myself.  I actually got mad at my innocent child through no fault of his own.  None.  He was doing nothing more than existing in my backseat and I resented him for it.  

Then I cried.  I cried because I was angry.  I cried because I couldn't do something I wanted to.  I cried because I am selfish.  I cried because I don't know if it is wrong to desire things.  I cried because I keep feeling like my Jesus is telling me that my life truly isn't my own.  I cried because I don't like that very much.

All those tears and all those emotions in like 2 minutes.     

I don't exactly know why I am sharing this.  I guess it helps to process things and it has been a few days  since the aforementioned "incident."  What I learned from it is that I suppose it is okay to be angry or frustrated but not at my child simply because he is here.

Motherhood is hard.

Simplification

Greetings Readers,

I have spent so much time focusing on my projects and attempting to update them on various locations within the internet that I am tired.  Therefore I am making a change.  From now on, it is just "In The Garden With Lauren." I live here in this space.

From Junk to Joy

From This to That

So we have a small one drawer contraption thingy that has been sitting in our bathroom for years holding various odds and ends.  Basically, it is a bathroom junk drawer.  I bought it for $10 at an antique shop quite a while ago and it has always been black.  Here's the thing:  I love to think about being crafty but I don't necessarily enjoy the process.  I definitely don't think scrapping paint is fun but it is a necessity, at least for this project, and had to be done.

Said Black Drawer Thingy

I decided that I would try and strip the paint and then put my own spin on things.  There are a few things you will need before you begin making your visions reality.

1.  Paint Stripper

2.  Rubber Gloves

3.  Metal Bowl

4.  Paint Brush

5.  Drop Cloth

6.  Lots of freakin patience

Step 1:  Gather Your Supplies

Stripping agent, metal bowl, brush

Don't forget your rubber gloves you sexy beast

  **ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS wear protective gloves.  This stuff can be nasty and you don't want it infiltrating your skin.  Protective gloves aren't sexy.  That's okay.  You are still a diva.

Step 2:  Apply Stripping Agent
-Be sure to read the instructions on the back of your stripping agent.  This will tell you how long you can expect to wait before the paint can be successfully removed.  Citristrip, the brand I used, was ready to go in 30 minutes but I found that waiting about an hour was actually better for this project.

Step 3:  Using a metal or plastic scrapper, gently scrape away the paint.  I tend to try and get a workout in at every possible opportunity and this mantra certainly applied to my sanding experience.  I made my shoulders needlessly sore scrapping the paint.  Trust me, this isn't the best way to go with this.  Gentle and slow really does work best.  The harder your scrape and the more force you use the more likely you are to get sore and damage the wood.

Sand Paper Fun

Step 4:  Sand.  I hate sand paper.  I hate the way it feels.  I hate the way it sounds scraping flesh away.  I hate the sensation of holding it.  However, it is necessary if you want a smooth surface to work your magic.  Come on, you've come this far so why not finish in regal style.  If any of you are ardent sand paper haters like myself, I found that sticking out my tongue while sanding seemed to help.  Don't know why? 

Step 5:  Paint.  This is the fun part.  This is what you've been waiting for.  This is when you get to see your ideas come to life.  I suggest using a paint and primer in one.  I used Behr Paint and Primer and was impressed.  I also figured out that I probably didn't need to do all the stripping beforehand because the primer in the paint covered the interior area that I wasn't able to apply the stripping agent to.  Oh well, I learned something in the process.

2 Coats of Paint

Step 6:  To be Continued.  I'm almost done with the project.  My next step is to use the dreaded sand paper once more and distress the edges of the piece.  I'm going for a coastal-worn look.  I'll be sure and post pics when I'm done.

I finally finished the project.  I roughed up the edges using sand paper until I liked the look.  Here it is:

My Garden Center

My New to Me Garden Center

So it is officially FALL here in on the hot peninsula.  All this really means is that the temperature isn't above 90 degrees but I'll take it.  Anything that even hints of a seasonal change is worth celebrating down here.  I decided a few days ago that FALL is my favorite.  Something about the slightly cooler temps combined with the arrival of dragonflies and butterflies all in the same month gets my motor running.  FALL also happens to be primetime gardening season so I have been peeping the garden for new arrivals.  You can read all about the goings on of my garden at Lauren in the Garden

A few weeks ago I found a gem at the Women's Center Resale Shop and decided it was going to be my new garden center extravaganza.  It took me a little while to figure out what to do with my new-to-me mini kitchen island but I finally decided it should live in my garden.  It is now happily residing on my patio and loving the cooler weather.  Here's how it all went down.

For whatever reason I didn't get a true before shot of this piece.  It wasn't anything spectacular.  Just your standard floating 2 tiered island.  It was stained a light maple color which I didn't think I needed to strip first...I really should have and it is only because of my lack of foresight that I ended up with the subtle woodgrain look I ended up with.  I wish I could claim credit for the outcome.  I can't.  But I really like it.

So, Step 1:  Find a fun color of exterior paint and go to town.  I used a paint from RustOleum.  I bought a small sized can, because I'm cheap, and it was exactly enough.
-I put two coats of fire engine red on this little diddy.

...Ater I Painted it Red

Step 2:  Polyurethane the crap out of it.

-I chose a clear polyurethane so that the vibrancy of my stand wouldn't be compromised.  The brand I chose was Helmsman Polyurethane.  I was pleased with the result.  The Hot Papa, my genius husband, put a strip of painter's tape around the outside of the can to prevent the stain from dripping and it worked wonders.  You can be all official and pour the polyurethane into something else and drip your paint brush in there but I decided to cut that corner and it worked out just fine.  One thing to be aware of is that stains tend to bubble.  Gently roll the can back and forth a few times to remove the air bubbles and you should be fine.

I knew this piece was going to live outside so I put 4 coats on it.  Just read the directions on your brand and it will tell you how long you can wait between coats.  Also, if this piece was going to live inside, I would have probably sanded between coats.  Just and FYI.  While I loathe sanding, it does create a smoother surface.  I wasn't concerned about that with this project.

Helmsman Poly (those in the know call polyurethane "poly." Now you can sound cool too!!!)

Step 3:  Enjoy your finished product!!

-The entire project took about a week for me to complete.  I took my time and painted and stained when I could.  You could probably get this done in one weekend if you wanted.  I LOVE IT!!!  As you can see, I've got a few smaller pots living on top of my new garden center.  My plan is to experiment with different methods of growing cuttings from my garden lovlies.

Finished Product, woot woot.

It Is Finished

It is Finished

I finally finished my one-drawer contraption this weekend and here's the final product:

I roughed up the edges using sand paper.  I tried not to over think the process and just sanded the edges until I liked the look.

Just as a reminder, here is the before:

Before...

And here's the after.  I'm pleased.

After...

Christmas Wreath Beginnings

Christmas Wreath Goodness

All kinds of Fun!!!

The Pieces of My Wreath

I try and avoid Pinterest because I tend to get overwhelmed with all the possibilities ..and there is a positive correlation between the amount of time I spend on Pinterest and the length of my hair.  That being said, I did peruse the site a few moments last week and saw a couple of Christmas ideas which I'm working on now.  I suppose it may be the Southern in me, but I love a good wreath.  Don't judge me.  Just go with the goodness that is a door hanging.  I have fond memories of my mom making wreathes over the years and now I find myself doing the same...cause I'm just like my mom.

Well, over at Pinterest I found a couple of ideas and have decided to combine them.

Here's the first wreath that caught my fancy:

You can find it here:  This Flourishing Life

I really like the non-traditionalness of this but it still satiates my desire for all things wreath related.  It is just this side of tacky but still super fun.  I'm down with that.  Plus, who doesn't have an old frame stashed somewhere around the house.  You don't have to use one this big either.  You can use a 5x7 just as well.  Who cares? It's your door!

                        Here's the next thing I found:

Find it here:  My Pinterest Board

I think this is a superb idea.  Again, perhaps it is the Southern girl in me, but I love a little monogramming.  I cannot believe I'm admitting this fact.  And mom, don't go on a monogramming binge because I said this. 

So here's my idea:  Combine the two.  I'm going to use the painted frame idea and hang a M in the middle.  Now, I couldn't decide on what colors to use so I decided to go with a metallic brown for the frame and use the gold idea from the one above.  I chose this color combo because the wreath can be used for multiple holidays this way.  I can use it to celebrate Fall, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  Woot Woot.  I'm all for crafting consolidation.   I had an old frame living in the garage that I bought at Goodwill several months back.  It held a creep picture of these two kids.  Seriously creepy, like paranormal demonic creepy (that's why it lived in the garage).  I took out the picture and removed the glass and my frame was ready to be transformed.

Here's what you will need:  A frame, a wooden or cardboard letter, glue gun, magic glitter balls
-I used an old frame and bought a letter from Joann craft store.  You can use whatever you'd like to decorate your  letter but I chose some fun sparkly balls that I bought at Michaels.

STEP 1:  Sand the frame
-I stuck out my tongue and gave the frame a light sanding just to remove any gunk.  As I've stated previously, I abhor sand paper but it is necessary.  Don't spend too much time here just rough up the surface so your primer will stick.

STEP 2:  Prime your frame
-I didn't bother with stripping the stain on the frame because I knew I was going to be priming and painting too.

2 coats of primer

STEP 3:  Paint the frame

-I chose a nice metallic chocolate color.  You can find it here

STEP 4:  Spray paint your letter

-Be Creative!!! This is your wreath and if the holidays mean neon yellow and black then go for it!

Before

After

Step 5:  Glue-gun madness!

-The next thing I did was glue my glitter bombs all over my freshly painted letter.  I did this over a few days when I had the time.  In all honesty, I didn't have a plan or pattern in mind.  I just did what suited my fancy.  If you are one for structure you can plan this step out.  I had fun trying to fit the pieces together.

Good times!

Finished Letter

**I've still got a few steps to go but here's where I'm at up to now.  I'll continue to update this post until I'm done.