Somebody famous in literary circles once said, "No man is an island." I could look that up but, honestly, I don't feel like it. Who said it doesn't matter. What they said does.
For close to 25 years I thought I was an island. I had friends. I got married. But I kept most people at an arms length whether they knew it or not.
Joy Knight is not one of those people.
She is my best friend. She is my soul sister. She is my constant even though we are both terrible at keeping in touch on a routine basis. Perhaps that speaks volumes about my capacity for intimacy but nonetheless it is truth. I could never hide from Joy and in her presence I feel known. I am at ease. There are no walls. There is no pretending. There is just the present moment.
I have long felt the urgency and need to be known yet I have been my most prevalent saboteur. I'm great at the onset of relationship yet consistently fail in the long haul. Perhaps this is one of the many reasons why Joy and I are so compatible. Indeed, there is no perhaps to this. It is definitely one of the reasons why we remain so close without constant contact.
To be known is a treasure.
I earnestly believe that each and every one of us longs to be known and accepted for who we are not who we think we should be.
To be known and accepted as you are, faults and all, is the deed to the kingdom. Doesn't our Jesus do the same for us? He knows our depths yet he continues to love us even when we don't have the capacity to do so for ourselves. Grace, a free gift that I have yet to fully embrace, is bestowed upon us from him. Come as you are and nothing more. No pretense. No masks. Just you. Ahhh...the relief in being able to cast aside all the roles we assume trying to hide who we really are.
When you find people in your life that refuse to take your masks and costumes at first glance and require you to dig deeper, force you to be honest without judgement, you don't let them go. They are worth the time and effort. They walk with you even when you shy away after revealing intensely personal information. I do that. My other soul friend Kim calls that action "turtleing." You get to the heart of the matter and then go back in your shell. But best friends, they don't leave because you are afraid. They don't press too hard when they know you need space. And you, in turn, do the same for them.
The thing is, we are not islands. We are not self sufficient beings although the enemy loves to bath us in the lie that we are. Each and every one of us is an individual with unique characteristics that only we can bring to the world. But we are not meant to walk this road alone. We are built for community. We are created for relationships.
And it's so hard.
It is so hard to be raw and real and honest when we feel like a piece of shit (my amazing counselor Lottie Hillard let me know that I view myself that way). Because of this, having people in my life that love me through the muck and mire means so much more.
Joy Knight, you are equipped with the rain boots to walk through the mud and muck with me and I hope that you know my rain boots are capable of your sludge as well.
I love you. With all my heart and soul.
This weekend was a reprieve for me. It was a place of rest. It was solace for my soul.
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