Somewhere within grief is a great joy. I do not believe I could have said this with such reassurance had I not experienced it so overwhelmingly this past week.
I had the honor of being with my father as he passed from this life to the next and I can unequivocally say that it was the most profound moment of my life thus far. It was horrible and wonderful all at once.
I also had the honor of writing his eulogy. For those of you who knew my dad, take comfort in these words. For those of you who did not, you missed out. He was a delight.
I hope these words comfort you. I hope they make you laugh. I hope they nudge you to reach out to your people now and from now on. Time on this earth is limited.
Until I write again - Lauren
There once was a woman who died and went to heaven. When she
got there, God said it wasn’t her time. She had 33 more years left to live, so
she went back to earth and lived it up. She got plastic surgery, died her hair,
got new teeth, and bought fancy clothes. One day she was tragically hit by a
bus and died straightaway. Once she got to heaven, she told god, “I thought I
had more time.” God said, “I didn’t recognize you.”
Probably not the most traditional way to start a eulogy but
my dad wasn’t traditional. He was a fantastic mix of quiet strength,
compassion, and quirky.
One thing you may not know about my dad is how funny he was.
When he was department head for his Sunday school, he used to spend hours
perusing the internet for jokes like the one I just shared to tell folks to put
them at ease and put a smile on their faces.
My dad fiercely loved those in his life and if you were ever
on the receiving end of his affection, you know how true this is. In the quiet
places, he sought to comfort those in his life. This might have been a hospital
visit or a card, or coffee in is pj’s. In recent times, it meant praying from
his lazy boy. Jim Phillips loved his people. He cried out on their behalf. As I
read through some of his journals, I got to see into the special visits he had
with so many of you. His written words about the friends in his life show me
just how special you all were to him.
He seemed to be especially fond of Ephesians. I found verse
after verse marked and one theme began to emerge: the power of god. That even
in the mystery of Christ, when we have faith, when he had faith, God was there
ready to fill him up. He underlined verse after verse about crying out to God
for strength.
Ephesians 3:14-17, 19 “For this reason I kneel before
the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name
I pray that out of His glorious riches, he may strengthen you with power
through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts
through faith…that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of
God.”
My dad desperately sought the fullness that only our Lord
can give. He wrestled with his own depression, fought feelings of inferiority,
battled in the dark corners of his mind, and wondered if he was enough. Still,
he pursued God with reckless abandon and through it all found comfort and peace
from the only One who can satisfy our souls. The same is true for any of you
here today. No matter who you are, what you’ve done, what you’ve thought about
doing, where you come from, there is rest for your weary soul today in Christ. He
came to give us all an abundant life despite our circumstances. By grace you
can and will be saved.
My dad was a huge movie buff and spent his early years
working at a movie theatre. When Sandra Dee burst onto the scene, he declared
her the finest actress of the year. Did you know my dad loved Sandra Dee? I
didn’t. But he wrote extensively about her in his journals from his teenage
years. In 1959, he wrote her a personal letter and was convinced this was the
first step towards everlasting love. How could she resist him? He just knew
once she read his note, she’d fall in love with him.
Did you know my dad went to work as a teenager to provide
for his family so that his mother and brothers could have food on the table and
shoes on their feet? He did. It was a pattern set into motion early on in his
life: he always made sure those around him were taken care of no matter the
cost to himself.
Did you know that there was nothing my dad couldn’t build, fix,
or design? He was a master craftsman.
Did you know that my dad spent the early years of parenthood
eating hotcakes and sausage and fishing with my brother and I because he wanted
us to know from the start that we were his treasure? He did.
Did you know that immediately after my mom finished praying
for God to send the right person to her the phone rang? It was my dad. Doesn’t
matter that it took him 2 months to call. He did. My dad did things in his own
time and always at the right time. 50 years later the love between my mom and
dad is a testimony to the vows they made so long ago. Through it all, together
they remain.
Did you know that my dad never met an animal he didn’t want
to raise? Growing up, Jay and I have memories of crows in the backyard, deer
that came home with him, snakes, ferrets, and most recently a slew of squirrels
he raised. As many squirrels as he raised the last several years, he only had
two names he would give them: Pearl or Buster. I guess that kept things simple.
He loved animals so much that he often couldn’t let go. I remember coming home
to visit a few years ago just after his cat Zena had died.
My mom told me offhandedly to not put anything in the
downstairs freezer. I didn’t ask why. I sure wish I had. Because when I went to
get something from the fridge, I opened the freezer door too only to find the
cat wrapped in a few garbage bags and frozen solid. I accidently dropped the
frozen cat in the drive way and the sound it made as it crashed to the ground
was quite distinct just in case you wanted to know.
My dad had recently had surgery on his toe and couldn’t walk
well enough to give her a proper burial. See, that’s the kind of man he was. He
believed that all creatures deserved dignity. That’s how he treated everyone he
knew: as though they were indescribably precious.
And you are.
What we want you to know in this moment and as you leave
this place is that you matter. Even if you don’t think you count. Even if you
don’t feel like you deserve it. You matter simply because you are, because our
loving Father created you. We hope that you can find rest and strength in this
truth.
So, take the leap of faith to believe that your worth comes
from the mere fact that God chose you. Family, friends, always take the time to
go see your people. Take the time to talk. Tell those you love what they mean
to you and why they matter to you.
Comfort those who mourn. Be the hands and feet of Christ to
all you see.
Matthew 11:28 Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden
and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am
gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Rest easy gentle giant. For you are home now. And it is
well. Blessed be.