Today I Grieve

Today I am grieving for the loss of possibilities for some that I love.  I grieve for the sadness they are experiencing.  I grieve for the loss of who they once were and the shadows they have become.  Shadows of their former selves, created by the hands of another person.  I grieve for a friend.  Their stories are not mine to share but nonetheless I hold them in my soul and cry out for them.

Nothing gives you the right to use the Church and Jesus Christ as a weapon.  How dare you.  How dare you manipulate another human being with the words of truth from the Savior who deals in love.  How dare you seek the approval of man over the needs of your family.

Don't you dare use the words of my God to harm another person.  Stop.  Stop being arrogant.  Stop desiring praise from humanity for your just deeds and nice words.  I see through that.  I've been there.  I've worn the mask and talked the talk.  It's fallacy.  It's fake.  So quit hiding behind doctrine and seminary speech because you are a fool. 

I'm tired.  I'm so tired of what I see in the Church at times.  I admit my own cynicism and I am praying for an attitude change because of how I have generalized the deceit.  I am not saying in any way, shape or form that everyone who claims Christianity is arrogant, a liar, or a moral justifier.  I am only trying to reconcile my own experiences with so many of those whom I share life with.  I know and love countless true believers who live their lives with transparency.  These people are real to the core.  They share their weaknesses and walk with me in mine.  They are genuine.  They are the Church.  They are walking vessels of Jesus to me.  I long to be that to everyone that I know.  I don't care who you are.  I don't care what you've done.  I don't care who you sleep with.  I don't care if you love a man or a woman.  I am not here to beat you with biblical references.  I am not here to "save" you.  I am not here to judge you for your past, present, or future desires.  Hear me, I am here to love you in the best way that I know how and that loves comes from the love I have experienced through Christ.  Don't shut me out with my Jesus talk.  Just know that because of Him I am me, broken pieces and messy tidbits alike.

And you know what?  I get it.  I completely get how people who don't believe in Jesus view those of us  that do.  If I was standing on the outside and experienced some of that hate that they have I would probably feel the same way too.  To those of you who have been burned, hurt, beat down, and remain scarred hear this:

I am sorry.  I am so sorry that someone who professed Christ treated you with malice.  

If that person was me please forgive me.  My God does not hate you nor do I.

Why can't we ALL just be honest about ourselves and our situations.  Why can't we be accountable to our God and forget trying to rescue the world with empty promises and words.  Live the life you were given in love through Jesus and it shall come to pass.  You don't have to polish your outside to walk inside the arms of love.  You don't have to fix yourself up.  That isn't your job.  

Cease.  Quit striving.  Stop.  Be still.  

"Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest."  -Jesus (Matthew 11:28)